The sun keeps trying to poke out, which feels like a lame metaphor for my life right now. (Yes, I totally just retreated to an angsty corner of my teenage bedroom.)

Job-hunting is the soul-sucking worst. It’s hard. I have been living the past five years under the delusion that a great boss (who took a chance on me and was even so generous as to “pick the hayseed out of my hair”), and great co-workers,¬† in a job that provided a lot of variety and stimulation, was just a normal part of my life that would always be there. I thought I had a lot to offer, and I thought I was pretty okay at conveying that in a non-cocky way. Sure, I realized the importance of a having a “network”, but hey, I’d broken through cold-turkey before, and I could do it again! Oh, three-months-ago-me, how naive you were.

I haven’t even joked about wanting to sit at home and eat bon-bons lately, because it’s no longer funny to me. Right now, if you gave me the choice between a room full of bon-bons and every Oprah episode ever, and a job (any job) where I got to leave the house and be a productive member of society and have a life; believe it or not, I would choose the job!

Stan tells me I should chill out, maybe take a break, and maybe my days need more structure. (What is it with guys always trying to fix everything? JK, love ya hun.) I should try that out. Meanwhile, I started volunteering, I registered with a temp agency, I’m continuing to fill out applications, exercising, cooking a lot, and generally keeping myself busy. That’s all fine and dandy, it’s just that every other waking moment of my life involves¬†waiting.¬†Ugh. Isn’t waiting the worst?

I even went to a social event that I heard about (gasp!) online! It was outside my comfort zone, but actually really fun. A lot of people made me feel better about my employment struggles, because a lot of them have had similar problems. It’s hard, but at least I’m not the only one.

So for now, I’ll try to concentrate on the encouraging words from the librarian who noticed I was printing off resumes. (Seriously, thank you, lady.) I’ll try not to concentrate on the not-quite-rude-but-not-anything-close-to-nice-and-slightly-annoyed responses from some people when I follow up on an applications.

I’ll try to be happy for my friend Candice’s upcoming wedding, instead of selfishly feeling sorry for myself that I can’t go. Skype is a wonderful thing, but after you close the computer and it’s just you and everyone else is so far away and together and happy… well, unleash the floodgates.

The hard parts are harder than I anticipated.

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