Saturday morning, Stan was getting ready to come to my house for a fun-filled day of good-ol’ manual labor. I casually said to Duncan something dumb and sarcastic like “Aren’t you just dying to do some hardcore yard work today?” and to my surprise and delight, he said yes!

Good thing, too. For the next eight hours, the three of us slaved away back in that 3000 square foot monster known as my back yard. I don’t know what I would have done if Duncan hadn’t said yes (and Stan too, of course).

First, we had to go to Home Depot to rent the rototiller, since the ground is supposed to be soft before you go spreading seed on it. The “tool thing”, as I referred to it later in the day much to Stan’s amusement, was huge. And a big thank you to Jonny for letting me use his big ass paint van (which I am excellent at driving and backing up, which makes me feel like a man- it’s fine).

Then, duh, we rototilled.

Stan took the first pass, and Duncan and I followed behind, picking up dead plant matter and trash. Yes, TRASH. There were bits of clothing (pants!), a stuffed fabric heart, remnants of what appeared to be wifebeaters, flaky plastic, and even a glow stick! Party on. This was a lot of work. I still found that it was pretty hard to get a nice even surface, although the landscape rake was a huge help. Later, I talked to my dad and he said that I should drag a pallet around to flatten it out. Good idea! I’ll be trying that. Can’t wait to tie myself to a pallet and drag it around like I’m some damn ox.

The next day, we spent a lot of time (and money- egads!) on a sprinkler system. If I learned one thing, it is this: pressure and flow rate are not the same thing. I’m no scientist, but I really thought that if my hose had a pressure of 100psi and each sprinkler head required 25psi, then I could put 4 sprinkler heads on the hose. Except each sprinkler head also requires a 3 gallon per minute flow rate, which is the flow rate of the hose itself- about 9psi short. PSI and GPM are not the same thing. Still with me?

The bottom line is, when we turned on the hose for the big reveal, we did not get four joyously spraying sprinkler heads that covered an area of 50 square feet- we got piddle. It looked like four dogs had piddled on the lawn dirt.

So I just had to do the hose-chickachickachicka sprinkler system (oscillating?). It’s cheaper, no doubt, but I’ll have to really stay on top of it to make sure it does an okay job because those kinds kinda suck.

Today on my lunch break I went home and finished figuring out the chickachickachicka sprinklers and also went to the stone yard to buy some sand for making the path (nope, haven’t abandoned that project yet). Tonight, if it’s not pouring rain, I’ll be starting on the path, and tomorrow I will be taking TIME OFF WORK to finish this damn project. Yep, I’ll be taking a trip to the nursery for grass seed, and a trip to the poop factory for some compost, and I will be spreading both in a nice even layer all over the yard. Pictures to follow.

Sorry for the lame post sans pics. I’m so exhausted from this project that I pulled into Smith’s and wondered for a second what I was doing at Home Depot, before remembering that I was, in fact, at Smith’s, and I could, in fact, buy ice cream here.

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