There are a few things in wedding planning that make me smile and say “That is SO cute.” or “OMG, that’s going to be SO special.”

There are also a few things that make me want to shave my head, get a tattoo, and elope. Picking out registry items is one of those.

We tried to do it the other night, and it wasn’t fun.

We generally seem to buy stuff in one of two ways:

  1. Bargain shop. I’m not going to pay $12 for a fancy spatula at Bed Bath and Beyond that I know I can get for $3 at TJ Maxx.
  2. Save and splurge. There are just a few things that are worth splurging on to us. Shocker: it might be different from what you would splurge on.

So these are the kinds of things I kept saying as we would contemplate adding an item to the registry:

“Don’t you feel weird registering for a $120 pot? I mean, people are going to resent that we are essentially asking them to buy us a $120 pot.”

and

“Well there’s no point in registering for that cheap <insert generic kitchen item here>. We already have a cheap <insert generic kitchen item here>. We’ve been living on our own for a collective fifteen years.”

I promise I’m usually not a gift brat. My family is kind of weird with gifts in fact- meaning that we don’t always do them. As a result, I generally view every gift I receive as kind of an added bonus, and I’m happy to receive whatever gift someone was thoughtful enough to pick out for me. But along with that laid-back gift attitude, I also kind of expect that if someone picks me out a generic set of dish towels/utensil set/spoon rest that I don’t really need, then it should be okay for me to return it and get cash. (I’m not talking about hawking granny’s homemade quilt on ebay- I do have boundaries.)

But people like when you have a registry, because they feel like giving you a gift is more personal and nice than giving you cash. And there’s no non-tacky way of saying “Please give us cash.” If there were not social rules, this is what I would write.

“Hi friend! You are not required to give us a gift. We just like that you’re our friend. However, if you would enjoy giving us a gift, you’re welcome to! The problem is, we’ve both been living on our own for quite some time now and have the basic essentials of life. What would be nice to us is to own a sweet Kitchenaid mixer or a kick-ass set of pots and pans, or a new tent so we can go camping. Or like, to fix the fence in the back yard. But all of those items cost more than we’d like you to spend on your own, so maybe you could just contribute to our dreams becoming reality with however much cash you’d like to give? That is, if you want to give us a gift. Because if you don’t, then you totally don’t have to, and we’ll still like you.”

But that doesn’t really fit nicely on an invitation. Gaaah this is the dumbest post ever, because there’s no point to it. People are going to give what they want to give, so we should just make a gift registry with a wide range of price options like everyone else does and quit whining.

My blog friend Lauren wrote a really good post about registering a while back. She is hilarious, and you should read her blog. Glad I’m not the only one who feels weird about registries and like I’m being judged for my choices!

And if you’re reading this and happen to be someone who would like to buy us a wedding present, I’m sorry if you feel bossed around. That was not my intention. We will truly enjoy anything you pick out for us. Just don’t judge us for our registry items please! And don’t feel like you have to get something from the registry. You don’t.

Now is the time for me to stop typing.

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